he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
