it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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