i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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