Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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