What a fucking waste of an outfit
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
