Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize