She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
