Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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