I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
