wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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