he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
