My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize