so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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