Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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