if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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