Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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