Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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