and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
