hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
