i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
