You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I see more hoeing in ur future
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