Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
