Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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