she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
