I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
