why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize