Life is so much better after having sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
