i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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