My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
