Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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