The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
as a side note pls kill me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
