My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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