So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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