The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
