DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
