What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
