there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
false alarm, still single
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