girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
