U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
