HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
