I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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