Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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