Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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