he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
