i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize