who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
