I think I am morally bankrupt
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
