JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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