Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
