In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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