I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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