I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So many bounce houses so little time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
