I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
