True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
