Say something about gay babies.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
