$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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