does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
