So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
