Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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