I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize