I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
