im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
