I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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