i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
