Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
