The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
