I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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