plz talk dirty to me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
