Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
