We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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