So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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