barbara walters just said penis...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
