I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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