I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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