After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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