you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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