haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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