As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
