how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
