I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
