dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
