im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
