apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
