I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
as a side note pls kill me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
