shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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